


I'm not ready for you to leave

by BloopWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Captain Yamaguchi Tadashi, Death, Eating Disorders, Heavy Angst, Ouch, Pain, Sad, Sad Ending, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloopWrites/pseuds/BloopWrites
Summary: It’s Hinata’s third year at Karasuno.Kageyama’s third year at Karasuno.Tsukishima’s third year at Karasuno.Yamaguchi’s third year at Karasuno.It’s their third year.And no one is ready to leave.
Kudos: 4





	I'm not ready for you to leave

It’s Hinata’s third year at Karasuno.

Kageyama’s third year at Karasuno.

Tsukishima’s third year at Karasuno.

Yamaguchi’s third year at Karasuno.

It’s their third year.

And no one is ready to leave.

Hinata and Kageyama got together. Tsukishima is so obviously in love with Yamaguchi that even the new first years know it. But Tsukishima  _ still _ hasn’t confessed. They’re 18. He’s known that boy for 11- almost  _ 12 years _ and he’s still too much of a coward to say three stupid words.

I. Love. You.

See? It’s not that hard.

Except… It is when Yamaguchi is looking at you with a smile so big it looks like he just won the lottery. When Yamaguchi’s words come out so soft and gentle and kind, as if Tsukishima would break from even the lightest wind. When Yamaguchi’s eyes are filled with some unexplainable feeling that just  _ makes sense _ .

So yeah. It’s pretty fucking hard.

  
  


Tsukishima groaned as his alarm clock yelled and screamed at him to wake up. To get his ass out of bed and do something.

He turned it off but could still hear it echoing through his head.

He got dressed and walked into the kitchen, not surprised that he was the only one in the house. His mom was at work and Akiteru moved out about four years ago.

He didn’t bother with eating breakfast but knew Yamaguchi would lecture him about eating again. He didn’t mind. Yamaguchi looked cute when he was mad.

He locked the door before starting down the ever-familiar street. The same path he walked on practically every day since he was six.

Yamaguchi wasn’t at their usual meeting spot.

Tsukishima was pretty unphased, Yamaguchi probably had to go early to do captain things. Tsukishima was glad Yamaguchi was captain. He deserves it. The boy worked so hard to get where he is.

Approximately 17 minutes later and Tsukishima was standing in front of Gym 2. He couldn’t hear any noise which was offsetting. He checked the time on his phone to make sure he wasn’t early. And he wasn’t. He was 5 minutes late.

He shrugged it off. Maybe Yamaguchi and/or Kageyama was lecturing the younger kids. He slid open the door.

Everyone was there. And they were staring at him. He didn’t like the attention.

He felt  _ itchy  _ under the attention.

He scanned the crowd, looking for that familiar mop of hair. The mop of hair didn’t come. He scanned again. Still nothing.

He internally rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe Yamaguchi slept in.

He shifted uncomfortably. He was still being stared at. The eyes seared his skin. Leaving burn marks everywhere. They burned and burned until they were staring  _ into _ him. They could see every organ in his body. Every vein that led to from his heart. They kept going- kept burning and he wondered if they could hear his thoughts or if the thoughts were burnt into a crisp before it made it to the team.

“W-What’re you looking at?” He snarled. “I’m not some circus freak for you to oogle.” His voice was like barbed wire and he felt fragile. So fragile that he would crumble and fall at the lightest wind. He could tear himself into two just from his voice.

He needed Yamaguchi by his side. To protect him from his voice. 

To protect him from himself.

Hinata placed a hand on his arm. Tsukishima flinched. “Tsukishima… did you see the news?”

Tsukishima shook his head like his head would off if he moved it too fast. “N-No… What’s going on?”

He hated the look on Hinata’s face. Hated how it was copy and pasted onto everyone in the room. Hated how even Kageyama had the look.

_ Where the hell was Yamaguchi? _

He allowed Hinata to lead him to a small T.V. He couldn’t make a clear thought. Too much was happening for him to process anything.

“This was the news report for this morning…” Hinata said as Kageyama turned on the T.V. Tsukishima wanted to run.

The T.V. glitched a little before a man with a somber face appeared. “We’re here this morning to report that Tadashi Yamaguchi, a student at Karasuno High, has been found dead.” The T.V. glitched again before repeating. Kageyama turned it off.

The fog cleared from his mind.

Tsukishima couldn’t breathe.

“Tsukishima..? Are you okay?”

Was he okay? Are you fucking stupid, Hinata? He just found out that his  _ best friend  _ was dead. The only person who could make things better was gone. The person who made him happier than  _ anything in the world _ was gone.

The love of his life was dead.

Tsukishima ran.

They let him.

He ran out the door, pass the gym, through the trees, and through the secret hole in the fence only he and Yamaguchi knew about.

The one only he knew about.

Tsukishima sat with his back to the fence. The way he had done so many times with his best friend.

He’s really gone.

He’s really fucking gone.

Tsukishima let out a gut-wrenching scream. He wouldn’t be surprised if those in the gym could hear him. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that the only person he cared about- the only person who cared about  _ him _ , was gone. Forever.

He continued to pour his heart out and into the scream. Tears were flying down his face and he knew he looked like a mess. His body shook from the force of his sobs.

He needed Yamaguchi by his side so much.

And that’ll never happen again. 

Yamaguchi will never sit by his side again. Will never sleepover again. Will never pout in that adorable way he does just to get his way again. Will never bake cakes and cookies together again. Will never ask for help with homework again. Will never yell at Tsukishima to eat again.

He will never laugh with him again.

He will never  _ be _ again.

  
  
  


Three months after Yamaguchi died and it still felt like a stab to the gut anytime someone called him ‘Tsukki’. The rest of the team moved on by now but Tsukishima hadn’t- couldn’t.

He quit volleyball. Yamaguchi was the only person who kept him going. Pushed him to be better.

Hinata has tried to talk to him multiple times. He was just ignored. Kageyama even tried but Tsukishima nearly punched his head off. He didn’t try after that. Some of the old team tried to contact him.

Sugawara got the furthest.

Maybe because he was similar to Yamaguchi. Maybe because Yamaguchi looked up to him. Maybe because of the way he talked and the words he used.

Or maybe because Tsukishima had bottled up every emotion he had and was at the end of his rope.

Tsukishima was slightly surprised how much he had told the older boy but he was glad he told him. He knew Sugawara hadn’t told anyone what Tsukishima had told him. And he was grateful for that.

It had become harder than ever for Tsukishima to eat.

Without Yamaguchi there, he had no one to make sure he didn’t starve and no one to yell at him if he skipped a meal.

There was no one there.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry


End file.
